The Night I Almost...

crapped my pants!!! So I'm at work doing the 3p - 11p shift and it's the weekend. The department, which is lively and crawling with patients and employees during the weekday from 7a - 4:30p is now just the opposite. It's.....just.....me! I'm a very scary individual. I'm easily scared. I've watched one too many horror flicks if you ask me.
It doesn't take much to frighten me really. It could be the killer's eyes, the killer's shadow...or that phone that just rang a little too loudly!!!

But anyhow...I've been tripping ever since the sun went down - that's when my mind starts playing tricks on me and I start letting little sounds bother me. I even hallucinate (no drug-induced hallucinations). It's just how I'm wired. I really don't think we were supposed to be creating those types of movies, so now I find myself struggling to set my mind on things above as God's word instructs us to! Go figure! Just pray for me! My mom is like this to, to some extent - she doesn't allow herself to watch demonic movies. She's not superstitious, just very aware that the devil is real.

So, I'm here - answering the phones, getting these people beds, listening to my music. Every now and again, I'll look over my shoulder (my back is facing the door) to make sure no one is lurking about. Then a little later, I hear a phone ringing down the hall. I'm like, what's going on - I don't usually hear any other phones ringing during this shift. THEN a little later, I hear one of the doors open and shut!!!! You've gotta understand, the ONLY time I'm supposed to hear that door open and shut is when it's close to the change of shift and my co-worker is coming in to relieve me! So I was like in pre-crap mode!!! THEN!!! I saw someone walking past the room (I was sort of relieved and more scared at the same time). Then I said, "Who's there?"....just like they do in the movies, and then we say, "Why did she just say that, now they know where she is!!!" But I was grateful that it was security - he said that he never usually gets assigned to my area and he was just walking around. I told him that I had one hand on the panic button and my other hand on my cell phone!!!

Please pray for me though! I don't know how long I'll be able to handle this shift.

So On Time!!!

Psalm 63
1 - O GOD, you are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.
2 - So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.
3 - Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.
4 - Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 - My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.
6 - When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.
7 - Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
8 - My soul follows close behind you; Your right hand upholds me.
9 - But those who seek my life, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
10 - They shall fall by the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals.
11 - But the king shall rejoice in God; everyone who swears by Him shall glory; but the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.

Just wanted to pass it on - hope you have enjoyed the richness of His word!!

I don't know why...

I don't know why I thought or had high hopes that with our new President, the unity within the African-american race would grow stronger. I know that it's not just about African-Americans...but, I was truly hoping that with this historical event that we would raise the bar and show genuine love towards one another. We've got Black History Month coming up - come on people!

There's a group of women at my job, who can't get along to save their lives. Why can't they put their differences aside and learn to work peaceably. Every time I turn around it's a shouting match. It's always:

"I can't stand her!"
"She thinks she's the boss!"
"She better not say that again!"
"I wish she would!"
"Oh no she didn't!"
"Oh, yes I did!"
"She don't know who she messin' with!"
"I'm not talking to her anymore!"

They sound like ought to be going to the Creative Corner instead of going to work!!!

I have another scenario - but I will try to get some work done on my day off!!!

A Quick Thought

I asked my co-worker how her Christmas was. She proceeded to tell me how she pretty much had to jump through hoops to see to it that she could give her children a "decent" Christmas. She talked about how she found herself at a 24-hour store on Christmas Eve at 1:00 am. She said that when the kids woke up and opened their gifts, they were happy...yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she said that "Allah, really came through..." I said WHAT? Dude, what are you celebrating Christmas for, if you believe in Allah? That was an oxymoron if I ever heard one!!!

I have a friend...

So, I have this friend who was married to this dude. They had a child together - things were cool. Then the dude stepped out on my friend and left her for this other female. My friend was devastated. But she continued to live her life as best as she could. For a long time, the dude wouldn't even see about his child and for a single mother, you long for your child to have a meaningful relationship with their father even if you aren't together anymore.

So years pass, the bickering is never ending, the tears are flowing, and tempers are flaring. My friend often picks at her face leaving marks that she covers up with foundation - due to the stress of a broken marriage. She is still legally married to him, she can't afford to divorce him and is leaving it up to him to pay for it. All the while, I'm trying to point her to Christ. She grew up in the church, but wandered away from its truth to embrace the beliefs of Mohammed and the nation of Islam. But I know that God is still tugging at her heart because when she hears certain gospel songs, she will sometimes break off into a praise dance (war dance she calls it) or she'll tell me how a song gives her the chills. That's the work of the Holy Spirit.

I pray that she will see herself as the child of God that she is, never settling for the mess that satan tricks her into thinking she wants. She told me that it had been a while since she had really felt upset about her situation, and asked me if I had noticed. She said that for the first time in a long time, she was able to pay the rent without feeling bad because there wasn't enough money in the bank to get the other things that were needed. But I told her that she's feeling ok because she isn't in the midst of a full-blown storm. How will she stand when the winds of life are strong enough to uproot a mighty oak tree?? Why are we so foolish in thinking that as long as we're up by 15 points in the third quarter, that God should just sit on the sidelines until the game all of a sudden looks like the other team is going to make a come-back and win? I'm guilty also, so please don't think that I'm just airing someone's dirty laundry and not acknowledging my own piles of unwashed stuff.

I just want more for her, like I want more for myself. This world has nothing to offer me compared to what God already has for me.

2 0 0 9

Yet another year has begun. A new set of promises, a new set of desires, a new set of issues... Sometimes I feel like I just want to live life without worrying about the plans I'll make, the goals I want to achieve, the standards I'll set and so on. But then, there is a calming feeling that maybe, just maybe I'll get the chance to start over -- a clean slate. My christian walk has long since been in need of an extreme makeover along with my physical body, so perhaps I'll begin there.

I want to:
- have daily devotions before I start my day
- have daily prayer time
- have a steady prayer partner / prayer group
- read / study the bible
- stop shying away from opportunities to share my life and opportunities to witness
but I don't want it to be a chore...


I want to:
- exercise 30 minutes each day
- plan healthier meals for the family
- cut out chocolate completely (except for a Slimfast and/or Boost drink...chocolate's the only way to go!)
- drink water
- stop drinking soda
- take vitamins

Outside of Spiritual and Physical Health - I want to:
- plan more meaningful events with my family
- pay more attention to my husband and children
- learn to actively listen
- work on time management skills
- learn how to show my thanks and appreciation
- spend less
- write more (posts, poetry, songs, etc)
- stop saying "son of a..." (no, I never say the last part, but I might as well)
- avoid wearing so much of the same colors

We'll see what the year brings.